The Summoned Swordsman Celebration
by savvykate
Summary: The Fire Emblem swordsmen and women head to Balamb Garden for a well deserved break. Or so they think. ONESHOT


**Title**: The Summoned Swordsperson Celebration

**Genre**: Humor

**Pairings**: Merchershipping, yay!

**Summary**: The insanity continues as Lyn holds the swordsman-(Lyn glares) –cough- sword_sperson_ celebration! What wasn't planned was the appearance of a few FF friends-Bahamut, Shiva, Ifrit, etc...This should get interesting. Raven POV.

-Raven's POV-

SLASH! One down, a bazillion to go.

I love the training room. If you're wondering, it's a small area that we set up every time we make camp. Originally, Lyn simply filled it with a bunch of pillows and such. Later, Eli-boy made pillows with Nergal and a few of the morphs on them. Of course, Lyn's Legion and Eliwood's Elite being as they are, it wasn't long before Merlinus was paid to make plushies of everyone's enemy, resulting in plenty of hilarity. I found quite a few burnt up plushies of myself at one time, but the funniest is how there are always a million Marcus and Serra plushies tossed around everywhere. I remember when I found a few Nils plushies-the girls were running a campaign to destroy whoever wanted to hurt the 'cute lil' bard'. I was glad I had never thought of Nils plushies, I so would have ground them into the dirt.

But I wasn't beating down on a Marcus, or Nils, or even Serra plushie right now. I was slashing my favorite target-Erk, of course. Ever since he started shooting looks at my sister. Besides, it was him who destroyed all those me plushies. And I'm even madder at him now-ever since that mage party that I attended (to keep him away from Priscilla, o'course).

I was rather surprised that no one else was there that afternoon. Usually Kent was there nobly stabbing some Black Fang's, as well as Wil, practicing his aim on a few plushies of myself (he's hated me ever since I got a little crush on the archer girl with the green hair...), and Bartre, happily pounding on...rocks. Wow. Nobel Prize winner, anyone? Anyway...Even Erk was there quite often, burning and shocking plushies of myself, as well as Serra, Fiora, and the occasional Nils plushie. But the number one person I was surprised to not see was-

"GYAAAAAAAAH!"

A flash of white light flew across the training field, and as it subsided, it revealed five perfectly fine-looking Bartre plushies. A second later, the slash mark appeared and they were all cut in two. And standing there was Karel-well known for being the only person in camp who had never missed a single day of training He glowed for a moment, and then, in one of those cool Swordmaster criticals, he split into five and annihilated all of the Bartre plushies simultaneously. Because, you know, swordmasters are so incredibly cool that they can kill stuff like that. Right. I gave him an evil princely glare of **_DOOM _**(which I've been practicing). Because heroes pwn swordmasters, always and forever. _Honestly._

"I can do better..." I instinctively ducked, and for good reason-Karel shot his evil psycho killer glare of **_DOUBLE DOOM_** at the place where my head had been a fraction of a second ago. It bore a hole in the wall behind me. I really need to practice my glaring...He blinked, and his uber glare was gone, replaced with...his normal glare. Which only causes burning. Doesn't actually set stuff on fire. I think. He blinked at me.

"You smell of blood."

"Hello to you too, Karel." We sort of stared at each other for a minute, until he spoke.

"I came here to tell you...there is a party you need to attend..." I blinked. Party? No one told me about a party. Besides that mage party I went to the other day.

"What? Where? And...why?" Karel's patience began to wear thin-I could tell that he was just resisting **_DOUBLE DOOM_**. He sighed and impatiently stabbed the ground with his Wo Dao.

"A swordsperson party. At Balamb Garden. Because Lady Lyndis said so. And you're coming."

"Balamb Garden?" What the heck is Balamb Garden?

"It's...a place. A military school, if I remember correctly. And like I said, you're coming."

"Wait a minute, I-" Karel decided this was a good time to use the evil psycho killer glare of **_DOUBLE DOOM_**. Noticing that my hair was sort of...well, caught on fire, I gave up. "Okay, okay! I'll come!"

"That's good. Because if you didn't, you'd be dead."

"Yeah...that's real reassuring." Karel has a real way with words. Those words are generally 'battle', 'blood', and 'death'. And 'French toast'. But that's another story. "So, how are we getting to this Balamb Garden place, anyway?"

"Through the warp portal."

"Warp por-" The warp portal chose that moment to reveal itself-a glowing glyph underneath the training arena. Wondering how it got there, I eventually decided that it was some kind of randomish plot device by the creator of my life. After these brilliant thoughts, I found out that I was floating in the air. I was glowing white. "Whoa..." And that's when I heard _her_ voice.

"Ah! Raven! I've been looking all over for-EEP!" She accidentally stepped into the glyph and found herself being warped with the rest of-

Before I could finish that though, I found myself standing on another glyph-but in completely different location. Looking up, there was a giant building...but unlike any building I had ever seen. It defied description. Suffice it to say that there was nothing like it in Elibe, anywhere. Rather than pondering it any longer, I looked beside me at Karel, looking at the building with some contempt, and then looked the other way...into the face of the archer girl, Rebecca.

"Where...where are we? What is this...this...place?" Rebecca whimpered, looking fearful. Can't say I blamed her. This place was weird, and I couldn't find any way to describe it other than 'place' anyway.

"No clue. All I know is, Karel took me here for some kinda 'swordsperson' party."

"Oooh! A party! Can I come?"

"Well, I dunno...You're an archer, and it's a swordsper-" At this point, Rebecca gave me the puppy dog eyes. Okay, I can resist them from Priscilla, and I can even resist them from our tactician, Lady Seianna, but Rebecca? No chance. I didn't know how to warp her back, anyway.

"All right. Just be careful. Karel, you said this was a military school, correct?" I turned to him and blinked, both Rebecca and I with a blank look on our faces.

"I believe so. Don't worry; the occupants have been..._taken care of_." I told you Karel has a way with words.

"Let's head inside then, I suppose." Karel wordlessly tossed me some sort of card. It was sort of like a Member's Card, only less shiny. And it had the name 'Squall Leonhart' on it, with a picture of some kid with a scar. I looked at Karel and blinked.

"It's for entry. We..._eliminated_ the guards, so they can't check the picture, but the door doesn't open without a card." It was a long speech for Karel.

"How'd we get the cards?"

"Caught the students on a field trip."

"Oh." Not quite satisfied, I blinked absentmindedly at the card Rebecca had received, which showed a girl with gravity defying hair, "Selphie Tilmitt". Karel's, another kid with a scar, "Seifer Almasy". Shaking my head vaguely, we all walked up to the door and inserted the cards into a slot. They popped back out, and the door opened. Taking the cards back, we all walked into the huge expanse.

The place was giant, and very shiny. There seemed like there were fifty billion paths to nowhere in particular. The first thing I noticed was a map, directly ahead. We all walked up to it, and Karel stuck his finger on the word 'Cafeteria'.

"This is where the party is taking place," Karel said vaguely, seeming distracted. Rebecca noticed, and cocked her head.

"What's wrong, Karel?" He shook his head.

"I just can't shake the feeling that someone's-_Get down!_" He shoved Rebecca down under a bench and crawled under it himself, as did I (with a shake of my head, reminding myself to hit Karel later). Rebecca almost said something, but a glare from Karel told her to stop. Her question was answered three seconds later, anyway.

"So. Really, this party thing was a great idea. Who thought of it?" A..._something_ came out of one of the pathways. It was big and vaguely dog-like...except that it stood upright, had two big curled horns, and had fire randomly placed on its body...Like for dramatic effect, or something.

"Bahamut did, of course. He always thinks of all the good ideas..." This was followed by a girlish sigh, which was appropriate, seeing as the speaker was female. This was obvious enough-she was humanoid, but she had blue skin and hair in a thousand ponytails. And besides that, she dressed like a stripper. Where was Sain?

"So, I suppose the next stop is the cafeteria?"

"Correct. I told Ramuh to meet us there."

"And the Knights?"

"_We're right here_." This was said by about ten or so voices at once, and the reason for that quickly became clear as a bunch of knights came out. They all had strange armor and weapons...and were about three times taller than a normal human. So were the dog thing and the stripper, actually. The dog thing was taking count of the irritated looking knights.

"One...two...three...Yes, all thirteen Knights of the Round, here and accounted for. Now-"

"We _know_. We head straight to the cafeteria and wait for the boss." As the knights continued to speak, it became more and more creepy how they all spoke at the same time. The only distinguished voice was that of a slightly taller knight, with a bigger blade than the rest. The stripper nodded, and they walked towards another door. At that point, out of yet _another_ fluxing door (this place was _huge_) came...well, a dragon...snake...thing. It looked sort of like the dragon's head stuck to a snake's body. A really, really big snake. It was totally light blue, and a puddle of water that it sat in traveled with it as it moved. It spoke in the gravelly voice you'd expect from a...water dragon-snake.

"Wait. I just received a message from Odin. We're to wait in the training center until the boss arrives."

"Really? But...I'm so booored. I want to get this party started."

"I know, I know. Orders from the boss."

"Feh." Admittedly, it was odd listening to a giant water dragon-snake talk with a stripper, but...whatever. The lot of them shifted direction and walked into the door that the water dragon-snake had come from. The instant they were gone, the three of us scrambled out from underneath the bench.

"What the _hell_ were those things!" That was me, ever graceful, being as I was the first one out from under the bench. I glared at Karel, who was completely unperturbed, the moment I caught one glance of Rebecca's tearstained face. "Explain." Karel only shrugged.

"None of this was planned, nor was it expected." Yeah. Great excuse. It was at that oh-so-convenient moment that the others walked in the door. I mentally took role. Lyn, Sain, Kent, Matthew, Legault, Jaffar, Guy, Eliwood, Lowen, Marcus, and Isadora. All here, and what a crowd it was. Rebecca rushed up to her second best friend, Lyn (first being Nino, 'course).

"Lyn! Lyyyyn!"

"Rebecca! What are you doing here?"

"No time to explain! There were these big, scary monster things, and they went in that room"-here she pointed towards the room where they had gone in-"and they were...oh, Lyn, they're scary!" Lyn looked sort of rattled.

"Well...are you okay? And is anyone else here with you?"

"Of course I'm okay! Raven was here to protect me! Oh, and Karel's here, too." My face was burning, I could tell. I could imagine Wil's face if he was here-HA.

"Where are they?"

"Over there..." Rebecca pointed in our direction. Lyn stalked over to me.

"Okay, what's this stuff about 'big scary monster things'?" So, I relieved the entire story of dog things and strippers and thirteen knights and water dragon-snake things. She just stared at me through the whole story. I didn't really believe myself as I said it, actually. She blinked. "So what are we going to do about it?" This question threw me. I had no clue what we should do. You know, normally either the lords or Lady Seianna thought of things. I just killed lots and lots of people. My blank stare caused her to shake her head. "Well, there's only one thing we can do. Destroy them." She turned to Eliwood and called, "Tell everyone to follow me. There's a bit more extermination to do." Ignoring my silent protests, everyone-including Karel, a shivering Rebecca, and myself-followed Eli-boy and Lyn into the room.

Immediately the...one...two...sixteen _things_ were visible. The majority of them were sitting around, playing cards, while a couple of the knights fought off monsters that constantly tried to attack the others. However, the moment everyone walked in on their playing space, they jumped up and got into battle poses. The dog thing snarled.

"How dare you walk in on the summons party!"

"And how dare _you_ walk in on our swordsperson party?" Lyn retorted. Yeah, sure, I admired her nerve, but...was she nuts or something? The stripper stood (I could see Sain drooling without looking) and sniffed.

"Who do you think you are?"

"I should say the same to you." The water dragon-snake turned and glared at us.

"You'll eat those words..." It speeded forward suddenly, diving at the most defenseless member of our team, Rebecca. And, almost by instinct, I found myself standing in front of her. I dunno why I did it, I just...did. For a moment, I was afraid. No one in their right mind would stare down the fire dragon, and that's what it felt like. Suddenly-

"PEACE!" And then it all stopped. A rumbling came from the ceiling, softly at first, but becoming louder and louder, when eventually, a portion of the ceiling fell in, followed by an impressive looking black shiny ringed dragon thing. I'm a great describer, aren't I? Like so many things in this place, the giant winged beast that flew threw the ceiling was perfectly indescribable. It turned and looked at the water dragon-snake thing. "I would like to know what in the world you are doing. I told you to wait here, and I find you attacking innocent humans..." To my surprise, the water dragon-snake was trembling...as were the other monsters. In fact, the dog thing and the stripper were trying to remain unnoticed. The knights were the least bothered, but they were still slightly frightened looking.

"Um...well, boss, they walked in on us...And...um..." The poor water dragon-snake couldn't say much in front of...the black shiny ringed dragon thing. Apparently, this was the boss that the others had been talking about earlier. As I turned next to me, I saw that even Lyn was a bit cowed.

"Err...um...My friends and I were planning on having a party here today...and..." The black shiny ringed dragon thing waved its hand (claw?) dismissively.

"Never mind that. It is my companions that were rude to you."

"But-"

"_Silence_, Arthur. I do not think that letting you humans stay would cause any harm. Just..."

"Yes?"

"Do not speak of this again."

"Right. Okay." Lyn nodded. There was a sigh of relief from the entire camp, including myself. We could stay. We could still party!

"Um...Raven?" As the others started heading out to the cafeteria, a familiar voice sounded from behind me. I could tell that my ears were turning red as I turned to face Rebecca.

"Thank you...for trying to save me...earlier..." Must. Not. Blush.

"It was...no problem. Any of us would have done it..."

"Well...I doubt that." And that's when she kissed me. She stood up on her toes and kissed me on the cheek. All resolve not to blush flew out the window, and my face was quickly burning. She giggled, and when I spoke, it was with not just a touch of disbelief.

"But...I thought you liked...Wil...?" She stuck out her tongue.

"Nah, I hate the guy. He's really annoying, and he's so mean to you."

"Admittedly? I hate him too." The two of us laughed together. She tugged on my hand.

"Come on, let's go. It's party time!"

"All right, all right..." I allowed her to tug me towards the cafeteria. This had been a good day.

And somewhere far away, Wil sneezed. Twice.

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Savvy: Yeah. That chapter was LOOOOOOONG. In case you didn't get it-

Dog Thing-Ifrit

Stripper-Shiva

Knights-Knights of the Round

Water Dragon-Snake-Leviathan

Black Shiny Ringed Dragon Thing (The Boss)-Bahamut

Savvy: Also, when Bahamut says "_Silence_, Arthur," it's reference to the fact that the thirteen Knights of the Round are supposedly the twelve Knights of the Round Table, and King Arthur. Whee. Review, or be stepped on by Bahamut. MWA.


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